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36.0k

Yes I make oc yes I repost we exist

742 comments
84% Upvoted
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level 1

Yes, I’m a contrarian. No, I’m not

level 2
863 points · 10 days ago · edited 10 days ago

I’m a fuckin walkin paradox - no i’m not

edit:can y’all stop replying to this with the next line thanks

level 3

Yes I'm a parapalegic walking paradox. Yes I can walk.

level 4

Yes I'm lactose intolerant, Yes I eat dairy. We have diarrhea

level 5

I had a friend who was lactose intolerant. Whenever we would go on long trips in the car he always made it his mission to down a bottle of chocolate milk and a bag of chili cheese Fritos before we left. Honestly I thought it was hilarious.

I stopped offering to use my car for such trips in the future though.

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level 4

Yes I'm a pair of socks. Yes I have hands.

level 5

Yes this is my truck. No I won’t help you move.

level 6

Yes, this is Patrick. No, this is Patrick.

level 7

I'm Spartacus. No I'm Spartacus.

level 8
4 points · 10 days ago

I'm Brian. And so is my wife.

level 9

r/unexpectedmontypython

Also, my name happens to really be Brian.

level 10
4 points · 10 days ago

That's what they all say...

level 7

My favorite

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level 6

Ugh. I feel this.

level 4

Yes I’m Christopher Reeves. No I’m not Walken. No I can’t walk

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level 3
level 4

Should be a thing

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level 3

Threesomes with the fucking triceratops

level 4

reptar

level 5
53 points · 10 days ago

Rapping as I'm mocking deaf rock stars

level 6

Wearing synthetic wigs made of anwar's dreadlocks

level 7

Bedrock. Harder than the motherfucking flintstones

level 8

makin' crack rocks outta pussy ni**a fishbones (i'm white, gotta be careful on this one)

level 9

Nah dude, its the lyrics of the song.

level 9

It doesn't matter on the internet lol

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level 9

I was halfway through typing this one when you hit enter. I'm…glad you did.

Upvote for tasteful dictation.

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level 4
7 points · 10 days ago

Is this the Krusty Krab? No this is Patrick.

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level 3

Hi Tyler

level 3

Wolf. Gang. Hailey.

level 3

Perfect comment.

level 4

no it’s not

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level 1

yes i'm a wave, yes i'm a particle, we exist

level 2
670 points · 10 days ago

Yes I'm a dead cat, yes I'm a live cat. We exist.

level 3

Yes I'm an electron. Yes my velocity and location are both discovered simultaneously. We exist

level 4

ha! heisenberg uncertainty principle. Thank you chemistry final. Also, I am liquid at critical point. I am gas at critical point. We exist.

level 5

Yes, I'm matter. Yes, I'm energy. We exist.

level 6

I AM CURRENTLY ATTACKING PHYLLIS WITH A CHAINSAW...

level 7

...Ringingingng....

level 6

No, I don't matter. No, I have no energy. No I don't exist.

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level 3

Would someone open the box! I hate uncertainty.

level 3

Do you, though?

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level 2

What is a photon for 500 Mr. Trebek

level 3

Ooh, sorry ... The answer we were looking for is “Jeff”

level 4

Why did you remind me of that, now I’m laughing on the bus.

level 5
8 points · 10 days ago

Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff Jeff

level 4
2 points · 10 days ago

You said Jeff. That is incorrect. The correct answer is Jeff.

level 2

Dr. Tyson can you sign my library of quantum physics books that I've definitely read because I'm a rising genius (IQ ∈ (160,162) ∩ ℤ)?

level 3

that just means IQ = 161 lol

level 4

Or IQ = ∅, and I think I know which one's more likely this joke isn't technically correct but I wanted to make it anyway

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level 4

I see we have another intellectual in the comments. I thought I was a singleton here(No pun intended jk it definitely was).

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level 1

I hate it that everyone of them placed the "yes" somewhere else

level 2

they did yes

level 3

Yes, they definitely did.

level 4
47 points · 10 days ago

Oh my, yes they did.

level 5

Why yes, they did.

level 6

YtheyEdidS.

level 7

You fool. By your utterance you’ve now invoked the ancient wrath of Yth’ey-E-di’ds, one of the Old Gods who dwells in the depths...

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level 4
9 points · 10 days ago

No, they definitely did.

level 2

True mockery requires precision.

level 3

Mockery requires true precision too

level 4

Precision, true mockery requires.

level 5

Unexpected Yoda

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level 2

They can't even meme properly

level 2

No they yesn't

level 2

And then OP fucked up by not making the two statements mutually exclusive.

level 2
14 points · 10 days ago

every one*

level 3

Thanks, that was bothering me alot.

level 4

:/

level 4

Should of seen that coming

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level 3

Ohshit :/

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level 1
531 points · 11 days ago

Well that escalated quickly

level 2
244 points · 11 days ago

Yes I take the stairs up, yes I take the escalator down. Yes, I’m never getting to the third floor

level 3
51 points · 10 days ago

Yes I'm a gamer, yes I have premarital sex😎😎. we exist kinda

level 4
16 points · 10 days ago

👉😎👉

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level 3

Did Confucius say this?

level 2
19 points · 10 days ago

Yes, I'm an escalator.

Yes, I deescalate.

Yes, I go in reverse sometimes.

level 3

"We Apologise For The Convenience"

level 4

We all miss Mitch.

level 4

Dear Dad,

I rarely drive steamboats

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level 3

"An escalator can never break... It just turns into stairs"

RIP Mitch

level 4

Unless it is in China, in which it turns into a slip and slid or a meat grinder (video not included).

level 4

I miss that guy

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level 2

Yescalated

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level 1
Comment deleted by user11 days ago(32 children)
level 2

Existentialist nihilism posits that life has no intrinsic meaning, not that we don't exist, no?

level 3

Yes I’m an existentialist. Yes I’m a nihilist. Not that it really matters.

level 4

Existentialists create their own meaning through progressing via the obvious existence of free will, they likely wouldn't consider themselves ever as being in the same group as (often) depressed nihilists.

level 5

This was a joke on the above comment about existentialist nihilism, which is the belief that life is meaningless

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level 3

Exactly. Semantics.

level 4

I'm always up for some antics.

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level 3
6 points · 10 days ago

I'm glad someone else said it lol

level 3
5 points · 10 days ago

Yes, existentialism's most fundamental concept is that we exist - existence precedes essence as Sartre put it.

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level 2

Yes, I'm a Solipsist.

Yes, I exist.

level 3

But does everyone else exist

level 4

Yes, I'm a solipsist.

Yes, we exist.

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level 2

Yes you do; you’re in denial..and trying to weasel your way out ;)

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level 1

Yes I didn't liked the post, yes I upvoted, we exist

level 2

Yes I downvoted, yes i actually upvoted, we exist

level 3

We’re called Australians

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level 2
Original Poster35 points · 10 days ago

<3

level 3
7 points · 10 days ago

op

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level 1

Yes I’m 1. Yes I’m 0. We exist

level 2
54 points · 10 days ago

We byte.

level 3

qbit

level 2

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level 1

For those of you curious she did do this as satire

level 2
180 points · 10 days ago

This sub being duped by a sarcastic or satirical post? Well, I never.

level 3

You got me.

level 3

I for one am shocked. Shocked I tell you!

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level 2
86 points · 10 days ago

How could anyone possibly think this isn't satire? This sub is utter shit.

level 3
60 points · 10 days ago

People on this sub are conflicted between acknowledging it's satire or accepting it as real so that they can feel intellectually superior to a twitter account for a few seconds

level 4

This sub is a Facebook meme feed

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level 3

15 year olds that want to feel smarter

level 3

This kind of satirical parody doesn't work unless it evokes a strong similarity to actually crazy people. As Twitter, Tumblr, etc. give voice to more and more extremists and mentally ill people, posts like this that are real are becoming more prevalent. Combine those two things and it's completely reasonable that some people would fall for it sometimes.

For further reading: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law

level 4
12 points · 10 days ago

it's only poe if there are actually "vegans who eat meat" or something similar

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level 4

Are you treating Poe's law - an internet meme - as an actual law about what constitutes satire and what doesn't? So many people on Reddit assume every joke is made for them specifically.

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level 2
13 points · 10 days ago

Darn. I was hoping she meant like she eats meat once a year but when she does it's something messed up, like she eats the brain of a gorilla that speaks sign language.

level 3
7 points · 10 days ago

That's oddly specific.. I'm disturbed

I was thinking more on the cannibal side. After all, humans aren't animals, right?

level 4
2 points · 10 days ago

We eat, shit, and fuck, we're animals.

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level 3
2 points · 10 days ago

The Purge Diet

level 2
4 points · 10 days ago

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level 2

Don't tell me the truth, I want to live in a lie!

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level 1
42 points · 10 days ago

Yes I'm in /r/facepalm. Yes I understand satire. We exist.

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level 1

That title is 100% true tho. People can make OC and also repost

level 2

OP's very own OC facepalm.

level 3

Yes, but this is a repost.

level 4

The two statements are supposed to be mutually exclusive.

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level 1
9 points · 11 days ago

But why but why but why but

level 2
5 points · 10 days ago

Here you go, you dropped this. -> "why"

level 1

maybe she eats human meat ? That could be vegan

level 2

Is this a blowjob joke?

level 3

That's what I thought.

level 3

Yes I give blowjobs. No I'm not gay. We exist

level 2

Nah, just lab grown meat.

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level 2
Comment deleted by user11 days ago(22 children)
level 3
40 points · 10 days ago

Freegans eat meat if it is "dumpster-dived" (often meaning voluntarily given out on the down-low from non-strict-about-that-kind-of-thing grocery stores, but can mean literally out of the dumpster).

level 4

Or if they got the wrong order and it was going to be thrown out. I blame the vegans that make things black and white. That’s why I hate to be identified as one. I’m more about putting compassion over convenience, but sometimes it’s just quicker to use the “v” word. I’d much rather everyone just think about cutting back on their consumption than thinking it has to be all or nothing.

level 5
9 points · 10 days ago

Don't blame them, as veganism for most of us who speak english, is black and white, at least where I am from. Like you said just eat what you think is right and forget about the label. If you don't fit into it, oh well. If you want to call yourself vegan for simplicity's sake, go ahead but it's definition is pretty much defined by consensus, as someone who makes a choice to abstain completely. Not someone who makes a choice to abstain sometimes, based on personal arbitrary morals. So don't hate people just because they are true to the definition. I am cutting way down, for my health, but I wouldn't call myself a vegetarian because that label carries weight.

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level 4
2 points · 10 days ago

Oh man. Reminds me of that story with the girl and the dumpster and the steak.. and the stuff

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level 2

But technically, we're also animals.

level 3

But if a human voluntarily wanted to give up their own flesh to be eaten, it could be arguably seen as vegan. The vegan goal is to avoid animal cruelty and suffering whenever practicable and possible. If the human wants to give their own flesh, is it cruelty?

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level 2

Or they just live a vegan lifestyle day-to-day but have a meal that isn't vegan that they really enjoy that they eat every once in a while.

Pete Holmes talked about it on the Hot Ones episode that came out today. He considers himself a vegan, but enjoys a burger every once in a while.

level 3

I'm torn on this. If you occasionally smoke a cigarette, are you a non-smoker? If you shoot up now and then, can you say you aren't a drug-user? I guess it depends on context mostly. And I feel it's also controversial in nature. Many people complain about adjusting their lifestyle to a vegan, even if it's as simple as choosing one restaurant over another. If they know you'll eat a burger sometimes, theyre more likely to complain or not make any concessions on your behalf. So, I wouldn't be surprised if there are "vegans" that may eat meat on occasion, out of a lack of will power or some other mechanism, but hide it out of fear of being attacked as hypocritical.

level 4

If you're trying to live a healthy lifestyle, but cheat for one dessert and eat a piece of cake are you no longer living a healthy lifestyle? I'd say no, in general you eat healthy, you just wanted to eat a piece of cake.

I'd consider it the same for veganism. People choose to live a vegan lifestyle for whatever reason they want. If they break it on occasion by eating a burger or a steak it's not like they aren't going to continue living a vegan lifestyle after that meal.

Edit: I guess what it depends on is how you define occasionally. Once a week is much different than once a year.

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level 1

This is a joke, surely.

level 2

It is, and don't call me Shirley

level 3

I won’t call you, but my names not Shirley.

level 1

Mods: Yes I'm straight. Yes I like guys. We exist.

level 2

Female mods, apparently unicorns on reddit.

level 3
Moderator of r/facepalm, speaking officially16 points · 10 days ago

hello

level 4

I have found one

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level 1

Well my wife and I live the vegan style at home, basically we don't buy animal stuff, but if we're out to a party somewhere and meat is being served we'll go ahead and eat it if it would otherwise be discarded.

That said we don't get up on a hilltop and pronounce ourselves vegan like this person so there's that

level 2

It's called freegan. Basically you can eat meat but only if it was going to be wasted anyway. So I mean technically she's right, they exist.

level 3
3 points · 10 days ago

But you used a different word for it

level 2

You typed this from a hilltop, you sanctimonious sob and you know it. /s

level 2

I'm vegan

level 3
Comment deleted by user10 days ago(1 child)
level 4

I'M VEGAN

level 2
7 points · 10 days ago

I try to eat a vegan meal a few times a week, but I would never label myself as anything but carnivore.

level 3
21 points · 10 days ago

Being pedantic here, but you probably want omnivore. Carnivore means you eat only meat and no fruits/vegetables/grains.

level 3

Wouldn't omnivore be more apt though? Even if some of your meals weren't vegan, it was likely omnivorous at the very least. Carnivore doesn't mean you prefer meat, it means you only eat animal products.

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level 2
Comment deleted by user10 days ago(18 children)
level 3
27 points · 10 days ago

He is mostly not contributing to the meat industry.

If it's there, he eats it but he doesn't intentionally buy it.

level 3

If they don't buy it, they do not contribute to the market. Sounds like they only eat meat that would have been thrown away, which is already purchased and therefore would be wasteful to deny.

level 3

It makes sense. Maybe you don't buy meat because you don't want to support that industry, but if someone hands you a free slice of pizza with meat on it - well, someone's gonna end up eating it either way or its going in the trash, so why not?

It's obviously not something a really dedicated vegan would do but I see the logic in it.

For instance, say you don't want to support something like preordering games, but your buddy pre orders a game and gives it to you as a gift. You're not gonna say no just because you don't like the idea of pre ordering.

Not the best example but still.

level 4

This is how I see it. I don't eat meat, but if my girlfriend has a beef burger and doesn't finish it, is it wrong for me to eat the rest? Or would it be worse if no one ate it at all?

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level 3

One point is not become annoyingly pretentious and instead be respectfully flexible while also taking responsibility for caring for the environment that we live in.

level 4

Why is being vegan full time the same as becoming annoyingly pretentious? Why should someone have to eat something they don't want to eat?

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level 3

Maybe it is a joke.

Edit: yep, it is satire.

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level 1

I'm a teepee. I'm a wigwam. Or maybe I'm just too tense.

level 1

Cracked it: she's from the Vega star system and they're carnivores - the "we exist" is just to confirm ET origins.

level 1
7 points · 11 days ago

Its still a troll account that posted this......

level 1

Yes I’m a Gryffibdor, Yes I’m a Slytherin, Yes we exist

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level 1

Yes I'm a Neo-Nazi. No I'm not racist. We exist.

level 1
3 points · 10 days ago

Only upvoting because of the caption

level 1

See also: Jews for Jesus.

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level 1

Lab grown meat?

level 1

Maybe she meant that she's an alien from Vega that happens to also eat meat.

Or she's a Chevy Vega enthusiast. Also that eats meat. And exists.

level 1

Yes I’m straight. Yes I like dick. We exist.

level 1

I’m a positive! I’m a negative! I’m psychotic :(

level 1
5 points · 10 days ago

Vegans eat my foods food. Shame on you

level 1

Probably, she's just ridiculous or this is fake.

HOWEVER, an argument can be made that can make sense of her post. Taking Veganism as a belief system seeking to reduce animal suffering and also to a certain extent ecological harm by denying the related industries a customer: it literally doesn't matter at all if you eat roadkill or something, the alternative isn't the animal not dying, it's waste. Well you could say the same for supermarket meat, but buying it creates economic incentive so it's different.

Considering proper vegans also avoid animal products like leather, I think the belief system definition is more accurate than just "someone who doesn't eat meat or animal byproducts."

level 1

Upvoted just for caption

level 1
2 points · 10 days ago

You can make oc and repost though. Some posts and some posts.

level 1
2 points · 10 days ago

I can follow your thoughts, no I can't. Yes, we exist.

level 1

I’m an original OP, yes I repost years old posts, yes we exist

level 1

To be fair the existence of fortnite has made it possible to be a virgin AND have sex.

If you have enough v bucks you get a v card to spend them with

level 1

Yes I'm a member of PETA. Yes I care about animals. We exist.

level 1

I'm confused. Is she not talking obviously talking about lab meat? What's going on here?

level 2

I doubt she's one of the handful of people in the world who have had a chance to eat lab meat.

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level 1
level 1
[deleted]
2 points · 10 days ago

this kinda makes sense if you consider the possibility of hunting/fishing for meat and not eating meat otherwise.

gonna make an educated guess though and say that ms. fiona does neither of those things.

level 1

She's a vegetarian that enjoys a bit of fellatio. What's the problem here?

level 1

I am a schizophrenic, and so am I

level 1
2 points · 10 days ago
A, ¬A, (A ∧ ¬A)
level 1

Yes I'm paralyzed, yes I can walk. we exist

level 1

I think she ment she sucks the D

level 1

Tbf, you can create OC and repost at the same time

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