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Posted byu/[deleted]11 days ago

Thank god they warned me

982 comments
90% Upvoted
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level 1
6.6k points · 11 days ago · edited 11 days ago

The Enrichment Center reminds you that your Wii will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. In the event that your Wii does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.

level 2

Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with Wiis. Rest assured that all Wiis have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.

level 3
1.0k points · 11 days ago

The Wii is now more valuable than the organs and combined income of everyone in [subject hometown here].

level 4

Oh for god's... They told me if I ever turned this Wii on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.

level 5
Comment removed by moderator11 days ago(More than 24 children)
level 6

It wasn't hungry. It was horny.

level 7
64 points · 11 days ago

Tried that too. That wasn’t it either.

level 8

(👁 ͜ʖ👁)

level 9

👁️👄👁️

level 10

👁👅👁

level 10

Fallout New Vegas: Old World Blues is that you? If it's you, Doctor Dala, I'm running away.

level 7

It's my turn to use the Sex machine and her name is Sony!

level 8
19 points · 10 days ago

Sex Machine Box

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level 6

I poured water into the SNES to cool a lava level...

SNES still works.

level 7

Did it cool the lava level?

level 8

It didn't NOT cool it.

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level 8

No...

level 6

I put a toasted cheese sandwich in my parents' VCR.

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level 6
7 points · 10 days ago

i actually did this too, with chocolate milk to be specific.

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level 5
PC38 points · 11 days ago

/r/unexpectedportal

Edit: It's unexpectedportal, not accidentalportal.

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level 4

How much is cake worth?

Happy cake day, friend :)

level 5

The cake is a lie

level 6
Switch11 points · 11 days ago

Cake day doubly so.

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level 5

I wanted to make a joke about the cake being a lie but those stopped being funny over ten years ago

level 6
8 points · 10 days ago

Now there's a lie!

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level 5

THE CAKE IS A LIE.

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level 4

The cake day is a lie.

level 4

happy cake day and username sorta checks out

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level 3

Whoever did the character development and dialogue for that game deserves more recognition. I’ve played that story more times than I can count and the announcers lines never cease to make me laugh. The somewhat absurd but professional notes about the robots ethics only to end with the snappy and absurd “to share.” perfectly illustrates how unstable and dangerous Aperture was while somehow being so ahead scientifically. Which only continued to get backed up once you discovered Cave Johnson and saw his rapid decline.

level 4
20 points · 10 days ago

Reminds me so much of hitchhikers guide

level 4

Wheatley should have won character of the year that year. It pissed me off that he lost. Best character development ever .

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level 4

I literally downloaded the clips of the mp3 files and saved them on my mp3 player.

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level 2

This would be funnier if the original warning was for the Gamecube.

level 2

Plays Wii Fit

“Oh. You’re obese!”

level 4

Look at you, swinging the hula hoops. Like an eagle, piloting a blimp.

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level 3

🚨🚨🚨 DID SOMEONE SAY FAT 🚨🚨🚨

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level 2
24 points · 11 days ago

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball™.

level 3

Happy Fun Ball may accelerate to dangerous speeds

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level 2

It may unleash a can of bear spray if agitated, however.

level 3

Meta.

level 2

It may, however, become thirsty for blood.

level 3
Switch19 points · 11 days ago

It should be clarified that the Wii will never threaten to stab you.

If the Wii wants to stab you, the Wii will just up and do it.

level 2
level 2

This sounds like it belongs in Portal 3’s script 😭

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level 1

I ruined my parents VCR when I was a kid cuz I thought it was hungry. I poured milk and Cheerios in where the video tape went in and out.

level 2

I can only imagine the surprise on the face of the next person trying to a play a movie in that VCR but finding the interior filled with rotten milk and cheerios.

level 3
526 points · 11 days ago

And maggots. It's always maggots

level 4
372 points · 11 days ago

Your rice is trying to run away...

level 5
154 points · 11 days ago

Wasn’t it Reddit that coined the term, disco rice? Lol

level 6

that's beautiful.

level 7

It’s like those dancing beans! Except tastier.

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level 6

I love how reddit can make me hate everything in one comment thread then make me see maggots as cute in another

level 6

Ah ah ah ah stayin' alive, stayin' alive

level 5
87 points · 11 days ago

I just threw up a little

level 6

Excellent more rice.

level 7
26 points · 11 days ago

Excellent more rice maggots.

level 8

You had me at more protein in my diet.

level 9

Lentils can only sustain me so much

level 10

You've been banned from /r/frugal

level 5
21 points · 11 days ago

Rice is the worst for me because while it doesn't stink like rotten meat, it makes it hard to distinguish the maggots from the rice, so you inevitably ask yourself how many maggots you inadvertently ingested.

level 6

Childhood fears aside, maggots are darker than white rice and more stripey and rounder than brown rice. They'd stand out. Maggots also tend to not particularly like dry rice, they like squishier, softer things to chew on. I have it on good authority that they are crunchier and more nutty tasting than regular rice as well.

I assure you, you are eating few, if any maggots in your typical bowl of rice, and you'd definitely know it if you were.

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level 5

I dont know why but that made me giggle uncontrollably for a few minutes

level 6

Minutes??
The people around you may have left the environment, alerting the authorities!

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level 5

What’s that urge from deep inside? The need to hurl won’t be denied. That isn’t rice, that’s maaaggots, you’re eating.

level 6

Larva, larva, larva-Wheeee!

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level 4
47 points · 11 days ago · edited 11 days ago

I've only ever had one "maggot incident" in my life, but that shit has scarred me until the day I die.

Some ham dropped behind a counter. Must have sat there for a month, I don't know.

And then, one day, we were cleaning up around the house, and I pull the counter away to clean behind it: Litteral. Fucking. Hundreds. Just crawling in there, everywhere, the floor, the counter, the walls, just everywhere, with a huge pile of them digging on a brown, rotten ball of what I can only assume used to be meat.

I swear, there aren't many things that really gross me out, but I was fucking gagging back there.

level 5
26 points · 11 days ago

It sucks when it’s in your home like that. But become a garbage man for a bit, and the amount of dumpsters that the bottom 3-5” is just slime and maggots? Yeah no they’re still gross fuck that, fun job though.

level 6

Ever find anything good in the trash?

level 7
33 points · 11 days ago

Is three to five inches of slime and maggots good?

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level 7
5 points · 10 days ago

Yeah, occasional electronics, money, random stuff that’s new in box but they didn’t want (vacuum comes to mind). Overall you learn to ignore most stuff because it isn’t worth your time but you know the areas/houses to keep an eye on.

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level 6
4 points · 11 days ago

Honest question; How is that a fun job ?

Not trying to be rude, I'm genuinely curious.

level 7

prob people you work with are interesting folks. compared to a desk jockey they prob got some amazingly hilarious stories and are good at telling stories. one thing i've noticed about manual laborers is that they all can tell a fucking good story

level 8
5 points · 10 days ago

Redneck cocktail is one of my favorite stories. Five gallon bucket o blood with deer legs sticking out and carcass remnants adorning lol

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level 7
8 points · 10 days ago

It kept me in great shape, I love being outdoors, riding on the back of the truck is super fun (seriously how often do you get to hang off the side of something on the road). Got to smoke all day (bud) and the drivers were generally chill. If I was in the shop I could run the skidsteer, using a giant baker to crush #10 tin cans is fun.

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level 5

Something like this happened to me as well recently. Long story, short we eventually found the rotten meat on top of our fridge.

level 6
6 points · 11 days ago

Jesus.

level 7

yeah not fun. Since we didn't find the meat right away, it stayed long enough for the maggots to turn into flies. When we did find it we realized it was the source of our fly issue...

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level 5

I once saw hundreds of them coming out of a house in my town. They were all over the front door as well as the sidewalk.

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level 5
6 points · 11 days ago

My trashcan was crawling with maggots one morning. Didn’t want to but had to pull it up front to empty. Grabbed two walmart bags and hulled it there and left the bags on it cuz fuck it. Then mom came down and saw that I tracked maggots on the hallway. Scarred me that morning. Tried to removed them but a lot of them were hidden for a while. Baby flies appeared sometime after that.

level 5
11 points · 11 days ago

I was at a store one time when I lifted a package of sardines. It felt wet and squishy on the other side (it was some sort of bag, not a can).

The pack side was partially open and covered in maggots, which were now also on my hand. I was so disgusted I haven’t been back to that store or eaten sardines since.

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level 4

I was playing in the mud one time when I was younger. I had a small cut on my finger. I felt something weird on the tip of my finger and looked at it. There was a maggot trying to wriggle its way in to my cut. Pulled that sucker out and was fairly grossed out to say the least.

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level 4

and don't forget, my shoes! They were like the spill tray!

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level 2
52 points · 11 days ago
level 3

Can confirm. Once tried to cook oatmeal when I was six or seven.

On the stove.

In a plastic bowl.

level 4

My adult roommate tried to make coffee by putting the plastic French press on the stove. :(

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level 2

Weird flakes, but OK

level 3

!RedditMold

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level 2

My sister put a big ass magnet on one of our old CRT Tv’s. Left a big distorted rainbow on the screen for a long ass time

level 3

A big ass-magnet left a mark for a long ass-time?

level 4

A big ass magnet ass left an ass mark for a long ass time

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level 3
32 points · 11 days ago

https://xkcd.com/37/

Also you should watch F is for Family.

level 4

There's a reddit bot that does the change, but you'd have to say a long-ass time, with the dash.

level 5
22 points · 11 days ago

There's a reddit bot that does the change, but you'd have to say a long ass-time, with the dash.

beep boop i'm a bot

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level 2

I did something a little more dangerous. I shoved fireworks in our cars tailpipe. Fortunately, they were able to see me doing this out the window. I imagine that would have been an unpleasant surprise

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level 2

Another example of why kids are just mini very drunk adults.

level 2

Those things were expensive back in the day, too.

level 3
17 points · 11 days ago

They're expensive again since no one makes them anymore.

level 4
8 points · 11 days ago

They're expensive to throw away since all that lead glass means you have to pay for hazardous disposal.

level 5

It's cute that you expect people to not throw it in their trash bin

level 5

Pssh. As if I wasn't going to just throw it out with the rest of my garbage.

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level 2

I did this with pizza. I’m ashamed now as an adult because I wasted pizza.

level 3

Add a dime bag of heroin and that's how you summon the ghost of Chris Farley

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level 2

my nephew, when he very little. Fed the CD tray on my mother's, ancient Packard Bell...A cookie. She asked to repair the computer. For whatever reason, mom's want old computers forever. I fish out a Lego man, the cookie chunks, 11 coins and a dollar bill. He hates when I tell the story. he's also on Reddit...:)

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level 2

My initial thought when I hear these things is always "I'm never having kids", but I'm sure I was just as awful.

level 2

I use to feed the tape deck in the car pennies. Turns out tape decks and tapes don’t like pennies.

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level 1
439 points · 11 days ago

There goes my plans for today

level 2

No Nut November is over so enjoy the 15 minutes of your day

level 3

Those were his plans

level 3

15? That’s very optimistic of you.

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level 2
9 points · 11 days ago

They only specified OJ. Just get some Sunny D instead.

level 3

Naw, gimme dat purple stuff...

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level 1

If Futurama taught me anything, machines only want alcohol.

level 2

hookers and blackjack too.

level 3

From Wikipedia:

A computer is a device that can be instructed to carry out sequences of arithmetic or logical operations automatically via computer programming. Modern computers have the ability to drink large amounts over a long time period; many have difficulty cutting down, and will die without an adequate supply of alcohol. These algorithms enable computers to perform an extremely wide range of tasks, such as bending and being a general nuisance.


Parent commenter can toggle NSFW or delete. Will also delete on comment score of -1 or less. | FAQs | Mods | Call Me

level 4

I’m so confused

level 5

From Wikipedia:

Bite my shiny metal ass


Parent commenter can toggle NSFW or delete. Will also delete on comment score of -1 or less. | FAQs | Mods | Call Me

level 6

What the fuck

level 7

oh god it's conscious.

level 8

SOMEONE CALL THE NAVY

level 9

From Wikipedia:

Hello! You've reached the Navy's automated phone service!


Parent commenter can toggle NSFW or delete. Will also delete on comment score of -1 or less. | FAQs | Mods | Call Me

level 10

SQUIDWARD!

THE ROBOTS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE NAVY!

level 10

AHHHHHHHHH

level 10
11 points · 10 days ago

Ahaha this is fuckin genius

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level 3

I'll build my own theme park!

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level 2

SO did that last weekend. Xbox Ones infact do not like alcohol.

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level 2
6 points · 11 days ago

Police reports show that Mr. Rodriguez's oil alcohol content was 0.1 at the time of arrest. Well below the legal limit for robots.

level 2

Yeah tried to fuel it with beer when it started lagging but I guess it was too late

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level 1
536 points · 11 days ago

One time, in my early 20s, I went out to my local convenience store for a snack: some chips, and a small bottle of OJ.

I came back to my apartment, smoked some weed, and got ready for a PC gaming sesh.

I picked up my bottle of OJ and gave it a good shake, but in my dumb, weed-adled head, I had forgotten that I had already opened it.

I basically threw half a bottle of sticky juice all over my computer desk and my bed.

level 2

I did a similar thing with one of those Starbucks bottled frapps

level 3
48 points · 11 days ago

Yeah, my folks once left a bottle of fuckin soy sauce on the counter with the lid unscrewed but still present. I had just learned about viscosity in some book or another, and was curious what kind of bubbles that particular liquid might make when shaken. One good shake and it was on top of the cupboards.

level 4
31 points · 11 days ago

Thats when you slowly back away.... pretend it never happened

level 3

I did this at lunch time back in high school with a carton of choccy milk

level 4
28 points · 11 days ago

I did it with A1 steak sauce all over the kitchen

level 5

I did it with beer. Sadness

level 6
30 points · 11 days ago

Why would you shake a beer?

level 7
PlayStation46 points · 10 days ago

Maybe he enjoys the thrill of waiting 15 minutes for it to resume non-explosive status

level 8

Nah I just spilled it like an idiot :(

Had the laptop covered for liquid damage but they delayed the process til my coverage expired

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level 6

Don't shake beer you monster!!

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level 3

I did a similar thing, except it was a protein shake and I completely neglected to attach the lid on the shaker bottle before tossing it about the room. Also, I was completely sober, awake, and aware of my surroundings. I am just that garbage of a human.

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level 3

Are you me

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level 2

sticky juice all over my computer desk and my bed

A common problem in many a male's bedroom, whatever the origin of the juice.

level 3

Wew lad

level 4

Good meme

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level 2
32 points · 11 days ago

I did this at work once. The almond milk we use needs a good shake and I forgot I'd taken the lid off. Go to shake it? Almond milk all over my entire life.

level 3
8 points · 11 days ago

I do find that if you remove the cap, and put it back on, there’s more air in the container which allows it to be shaken better than trying to shake it while it’s sealed. So I also open it before shaking it

level 2

smooth

level 3

No, it had bits in.

level 4

 I don't like pulp. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like no pulp. No pulp is soft and smooth.

level 5

I like extra extra extra pulp. It’s just convenient to be able to eat an orange while also having a glass of juice.

level 5

Now that's some poetic pulp fiction

level 6

Look at the big brain on u/DSGrahamJr!

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level 2
18 points · 11 days ago

In my early twenties now, recently when stoned I poured a glass of milk and put the glass where the milk goes in the fridge and closed it. Stopped right before leaving the kitchen with the carton of milk in my hand.

level 3

Own it. Drink the entire carton.

level 3

It's like a scene in a cartoon where they cut out a piece of cake, then leave it and take the entire rest of the cake.

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level 2

While that's stupid, that's less stupid than pouring it into a game console.

level 2

I did the same thing with a bottle of Tabasco sauce last week. Don't ever get that shit in your eyes, it hurts bad.

level 3

Thank god you warned us.

level 2

Happens to the weed-adled best of us.

level 2
8 points · 11 days ago

My room was sticky after I gave my "bottle" a good shake too

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level 1

wii craves electrolytes

level 2

Hey Brawndo's got what Wii's crave.

level 3

It’s got electrolytes.

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level 1

Wiis require the finer juices in life like cranapple juice

level 2

I prefer to call it Crapple juice

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level 2

Cranges? Cranges McBasketball?

level 1
47 points · 11 days ago

Oh yeah? Well they also told me not to feed it after midnight, but now I got two Wii's!

Strangely the second one only plays MadWorld...

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level 1
77 points · 11 days ago

wish I saw this earlier....

level 2

Oh, Jay..

level 3
6 points · 11 days ago

Ohh YAY!

level 1
Comment deleted by user11 days ago(1 child)

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level 1
79 points · 11 days ago

Nintendo would like to remind you that your Wii is not thirsty, and it does not want orange juice.

Nintendo is required to remind you that the Wii cannot talk. In the event that it does talk Nintendo asks you to ignore its advice.

Nintendo reminds you that the Wii will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.

level 2

What is this from?

level 3

Portal 1, when you recieve the companion cube i believe.

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level 2

this is literally just the top comment one hour after it was posted good job

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level 1

is pepsi okay?

level 2
[deleted]
17 points · 11 days ago

Coke works better

level 3

But the Wii isn't capable of sniffing

level 2

Guacamole is extra sir.

level 2

only bepis here sir

level 2

Is Monopoly money okay?

level 1

What if it wants apple juice?

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level 1
11 points · 11 days ago

Neon Genesis Evangelion

level 1

Looks to me like pouring OJ on your Wii is fine, but the sun can’t shine while you’re doing it. A day with orange juice is like a day without sunshine.

level 1

Is this worthy of r/surrealmemes ?

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level 1

Someone seems to have been that stupid. Otherwise there would not be this note.

level 2
7 points · 11 days ago

The Japanese Nintendo Wii manual is actually full of stupid warning messages like this!

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level 1
level 1

How else am I supposed to get 60 Frames Per Pepsi?

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level 1

My kid threw my xbox one controller in the bathtub because "It was dirty and needed a bath."

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level 1

Thank god Reddit notified me

level 1

My mom said the printer was out of juice. 5 year old me had the solution. My mom didn't have a printer after that...

level 1

Oh thank god, I can spill chocolate milk on it

level 1

My wii is thirsty tho ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

level 1

Duh if it thirsty you give it water

level 1

Every time this gets reposted my will to live diminished a little more

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level 1

Doesn't say anything about water.

level 1

Who loves orange soda? Not Nintendo.

level 1

“I’m-I’m good bro.”

level 1

Phew, that was a close one. I usually make sure my consoles are properly hydrated

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