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How the shadow people caught me felony charges.

So about 2 months ago on September 29th, I was on day 14 of a hard meth binge. I was pretty sure people where breaking into my house from underneath the floors. This shit went on from day 5 to 14. Shit had me tripping so hard I duct taped the doors shut cause I was convinced someone jacked my spare house key. I taped every door up on the locks so they couldn’t open even with the keys. Essentially I didn’t realize I locked my self in with the “burglars” so I’m tripping for more than a week no sleep, no food, and 24oz of water and 28 grams of meth. Essentially a gram per oz of water.. great ratio right?

So my dumb ass is tripping hard as fuck running around the house with 2 loaded pistols and 5 switch blades on myself. I hadn’t sat down in about 5-6 days and I’m fucking straight having a war with the shadow people, constantly checking under the beds with the guns, safety off and fully loaded. My house rattles in the wind and in my area there’s always wind. Somehow I forgot that the wind makes the house make weird noises so I’m running around trying to find the people stealing my stuff because the wind noises sound like people breaking in. I swore I kept hearing people talking from the vents so I decide ima put the pistols in my pocket and load up my shotgun...

Well as the tweaker genius I am I decided to duct tape a lamp to my shotgun as a spotlight and ran a 60ft extension cord so I can run around mid fucking war looking for the shadow people I can hear “living” in my walls and vents. At this point I’m straight psychotic, and buggin hard as fuck still stopping ever couple hours for a fat ass line of meth. So now I’m running around with a shotgun with a fucking house lamp taped to it feeling like a genius of technology for my invention of a shotgun with light!

Now by this point I’m about 10 days into this meth binge and I’m relentless and not giving up until the shadow people surrender and give me back all the things they stole from my house. At this point it dawns on me... I have a vent filter in the hallway, so I pop that shit off and was surprised to of found the way the shadow people were getting in. A 15inch wide hole goes straight down to under my house with a tube running through it to the AC. So here I am staring down the hole of hell, and could swear I hear 2 people talking down there. I shout out “get the fuck out from my vents before I gas you fuckers out!” Well the shadow people didn’t like that and started banging on the vents and I could swear they were mumbling some shit back to me.

So now I’m angry as all hell cause they won’t listen after my multiple threats to murder them with a vengeful fury. So at this point I’m ready to do anything to get these fuckers out from under my house, so I rush to the kitchen and go under the sink to see multiple aerosol sprays of variation from spray paint to bug spray and even chemicals like windex, bleach, ammonia... all kinds of shit I bust out, probably about 12 different chemicals in their own bottles are now sitting by this vent that I swore the shadow people were coming from. So I start cracking at it and go full chemical warfare. I sprayed a fuck ton of Raid bug spray and spray paint down the vent, bust out the bleach and ammonia and toss that shit in there. Then follows the rest of the chemicals, one by one. Down the rabbit hole they went down to the shadow people.

I then proceed to attach a fuse from a bottle rocket to a bottle of mixed chemicals that made that shit fizzle, I lit that fuse and tossed that shit in the vent and turned on the AC so it would suck the chemicals into the vent and push it through every vent in the house.. I was trying to gas these motherfucking shadow people out from under my house. So at this point some ungodly amount of fumes start hitting through the house and I start to get woozy as fuck, so I grabbed the 2 medical masks I had and put one on and the other on my girl who happened to be sleeping off the meth. (She slept through most of this psychotic episode somehow.)

So now I’m running around my house, chemical gasses churning up into the air making me sick as fuck. So I turn off the AC and decided to let that shit settle. Well I was still to scared of the shadow people getting in to open up the windows so at this point I’m just consumed by fumes and psychosis. I now have towels wrapped around my face looking like some Kinda Muslim or someshit, attempting to keep the gasses from getting to me.

So now I’m 14 days into this psychotic fucking war of good and evil. The fumes have finally settled over the last 2 days and I finally think it’s safe to take my mask and shit of.. thankfully it wasn’t that bad, it just smelt like spray paint and bug poison. Not too bad compared to the fumes before. So after I dropped my homemade mustard gas of a type I assumed I gassed the shadows out. Well I was very unpleasantly surprised to hear them still in my game room. There still under my god damn house!

I’m fucked up from meth psychosis and gasses messing with my sanity and shit so I bust out some throwing knifes and start throwing them at the floor cussing everytime one stuck in the carpet. I’m beyond furious cause I swore they were stealing all my gear and shit in that room. So I grabbed the last throwing knife and start cutting holes in the carpet trying to get down there and kill these motherfucking people I swore were living under my house. I start making threats about getting my chainsaw and cutting the floor out to come down there and cap them fuckers with my pistols. (I didn’t even own a chainsaw, that’s how psychotic shit was getting)..

So here I am the last 6 hours before shot went down... I’m running around the game room poking my pistol barrels into blankets that are “wiggling” cause people were hiding in there i though. I just couldn’t figure out how they disappeared everytime I would rip into the blankets and shit. Now by this point I don’t know how I didn’t realize this shit wasn’t really happening and for the next 3 or so hours I keep poking my gun into the blankets thinking I finally got one of the fuckers. Needless to say i never did get one In reality...

So here I am, last hour before shit went down. I’m convinced I got a shadow person caught in the blanket and my gun is point blank on their head which is covered by the blanket. I’m yelling all kinds of ungodly fucked up shit and im waving the gun around above their head... BANG!! I accidentally pulled the trigger and it bust through the blanket and a few pillows and shot feathers up into the air and my ears were ringing, straight shell shocked by the loudness of the .380. I think I killed one of them so I’m jumping around all ecstatic that I killed the fucker who broke into my house. So I rip off the blankets and to my surprise there was no one under there. Amazed, I started tearing through the bed looking for them... This can’t be! I thought to myself for a minute, what the fuck is going on? As soon as the shot went off, The shadow people all disappeared. Victorious I run to the living room.. (somehow my girls still asleep, she never woke us from the gunshot.)

Here I am victorious after a 2 week long war finally able to rest. So I grab some benzos and down them fuckers. Here I am, benzos finally kicked in and despite the flaws of no visible death or blood in the bed I still feel like I won my war and killed off the shadow people. I try waking up my girl telling her “I won, we won, I shut them and they finally left us alone.” She never really woke up much besides a mumble or someshit along the lines of, “what the fuck? What are you talking about.” And she fell back asleep.

Now at this point it’s 4 am and the sun still isn’t up and it’s only been 30 minutes or so since my glorious triumphant victory against the shadow warriors. I’m starting to mellow out from the benzo and start trying to straighten up my house, which happened to be covered In glass and various cans of chemicals, spray paint. The whole 9 yards.. I suddenly hear a knock on my door “bang bang bang” I think to myself... who the fuck could that be? So I curiously open the door, 2 pistols in my hands. A throwing knife in my shirt pocket, 5 switch blades concealed on my person, 2 shot gun shells in y pocket. And of course the empty shell of the .380 that won the “Great War of the shadows” to my surprise there was 2 cops guns in hand and a cop behind my wall with an ar-15 pointed at me. The 2 cops at my door install see that I have 2 loaded pistols in my hands and immediely yell for me to drop the guns. Startled I dropped both and both hammers clicked. Thankfully I took the clips out about 5 minutes before they knocked and dechambered the guns cause one of them triggered pointing right at officer “Dunham’s” nuts. He jumped and I quickly jumped out of the range of their pistols and they both quickly yelled back at me “freeze motherfucker” so I quickly stop, although I’m sweating bullets nervous as fuck cause I have 3 guns pointed at me and a cop who coulda lost his nuts if my guns were loaded at that point. I instinctively start busting up laughing all manic and psychotic as all fuck. I then realized how fucked I might be.. my mind slowly registered the simple thought of “FUCK” my smirk quickly turned into a puzzled state of confusion as I have multiple cops at my house and 3 cop cars outside. I slowly started registering something must be wrong, but what’s going on? I ask one cop what the hell is going on? They then proceeded to tell me a gunshot was reported from my house and my now benzod and psychotic mind thought everything would make sense if I told them pretty much exactly what I thought happened. They of course searched me after confirming no one was in the residence besides me and my girl, proving to them there never were anyone other than shadow people fucking with me. They ended up asking me if I had any other weapons on me and I thought for some reason I didn’t have any other shit on my person, so I say proudly “no officer, the guns are on the floor like you asked” I didn’t realize it sounded rude as fuck to them, I was trying to be compliant since I felt I did nothing really wrong, of course they searched me and ended up finding the 5 knives I had concealed as well as the throwing knife obviously sticking out of my shirt pocket that I somehow didn’t realize I had still in my pocket. They also found the spent shell of the .380 and the 2 shotgun shells I had in that pocket with it. Oh yeah dumb ass me also had a vial of etizolam solution of 350mg. They asked me what was in the vial and my exact words where “uhhhh, CBD oil?” Thank god they somehow believed that. They now sit me down next to all the “evidence” and proceed to wake my girl up, which she happened to be oblivious to the situation and didn’t even know I shot the gun until the cops woke her up.

She somehow manages to sneak the knifes, and the etizolam vial back and hid them in doors while they were occupied with my psychotic ass. She then pleaded her 5th amendment and was all good. I forgot I had that amendment in my state of mind and at this point they leave her be, somehow they completely didn’t notice that she took the evidence.

The cops then proceed to interrogate me for information out in the front yard, at this point my neighbors are all out on the street trying to figure out what happened and I still thought what i “knew” and what I thought I did know... was that I was the victim of burglary and that I was not the one who should be fucked over. They read me my rights as they handcuff me and charge me with 2 felonies

-unlawful discharge of a firearm -disorderly conduct with a deadly weapon

I sat in jail for a little under a week pissed at life and all things in it. I still to this day can’t reason that it was all “psychosis” cause to me that shit was real. Maybe I was in a facade of a psychotic episode. But the episode of the psychosis was beyond real. So here I am 60 something days later. Fucked up in the head, stuck in rehab, and charged with 2 felonies that I know I can’t win in court against... so I’m preparing for the possibility of up to 2 years in prison and...

All I know, Is the shadow people did it.

TLDR: Shadow people manifested in my house for 2 weeks, I struggled with the war of the shadows and eventually ended up victorious by killing there infamous shadow leader by shooting them in my house. Police roll up no more than a hour after I shot the shadow people and I got arrested and charged with 2 felonies -disorderly conduct with a deadly weapon -unlawful discharge of a firearm I now am stuck in a rehab after about a week of jail waiting for my possible 2 year prison sentence I could end up with. Court dates on Christmas Eve.... Fucking shadow people!!!!

Edit: For clarification, my girl was tweaked with me for the first 7-8 days, No sleep at that point. After that, she was strung out on H and etizolam cause shit was getting too weird for her. She used that for about 5-6 days and slept the remainder of the time for about 30-50 hours until from a non fatal overdose of the 2 in combination, she was woken from the cops. She was nodded out hard when I shot the gun and she also sleeps like a rock on etizolam, which is why it didn’t wake her up.

Edit 2: I’m posting the police report of my arrest to satisfy those who don’t think this really happened.

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