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Over the past year or so I’ve tried very hard to push myself and become a more outgoing person and turn myself into the more social version of myself that I’ve always wanted to be. Overall I think I’ve done a decent job at that but there’s still some things I’m not good at.

One of the main things I don’t think I’m good at is talking to girls I don’t know. By that I don’t mean talking to new girls that I meet naturally through normal situations. I kind of just mean how some people can just go up to a stranger they think is cute and ask for their number and they don’t have any issues with it. I wanna be able to do that or at least try it out.

Is there any tips or things I should/shouldn’t do if I decide to try doing that? Because I’m about to graduate high school and I kinda want to try it at least once because fuck it why not and every once in a while I’ll see someone in the halls at school or just like out wherever and want to try asking for their number cause they’re cute but I don’t know if that’s weird and idk how to do it.

Any help is appreciated. Also do y’all think this is normal? Or do you think it’ll come off as straight up weird?

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6 comments

It's not normal and I think that's fucking tragic.

Have you seen how people react to an honest compliment? One of the things I do to challenge myself is compliment as many random strangers as I can everyday. The worst reaction I've ever gotten is a startled thanks as they walk off. The overwhelming majority are positive reactions filled with gratitude.

When you approach a girl, convey your attraction to her, and ask for a date or her number it is an enormous compliment. You might get rejected but they'll still probably like it. In the event that they don't they were probably already having a shit day and it had nothing to do with you.

When you approach girls you have nothing to lose, everything to gain, and you're providing value to them. You should do it. Once you realize you can you break free from the tiny dating pool that most other men will have to the enormous amount that you'll be able to talk to and approach over the course of your life.

It's really hard. It feels like you're not allowed to do it. You feel like you're being weird, a creeper, and that you're doing something terrible to them. In truth it gives you a bad feeling and you justify that feeling with a ton of nonsense stories. You'll see just how nonsense they are when you start doing it and getting good reactions.

Start easy. Start complimenting random people on their clothes, haircuts, shoes, the look on their face that day, whatever. I love complimenting men on their suits, service members on their haircuts, old women on their dresses, and young women on their hair. Do it while you're walking by so there's no expectation that you're going to stay and talk to them, just fire-and-forget, not because it's a good idea but because it's easier if you don't feel like you are committing to a conversation.

Start having conversations with people. there's an endless amount of resources on how to start and maintain small talk. Practice that. When you get better start off small talk with a compliment. When you get better at that start targeting attractive women. keep increasing the difficulty as you get comfortable until you get where you want.

This stuff is hard, it takes time, and I think it's the most important thing you could ever do. The most important thing in our lives is our relationships. When you can talk to anyone you tear off most the limiting factors on the relationships you can have with people and with the women you want.

Go for it.

I'm in the middle of this process myself. Holy shit it's so hard and frustrating. That doesn't matter. I'm going to keep making progress and I'm going to get what I want.

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Original Poster1 point · 16 days ago

Holy shit yeah this is exactly what I’ve always wanted to try but I’ve never been brave enough to do it. I’ve seen how a small compliment from a total stranger can make someone seem so happy and I’ve wanted to do that for others for a while but it feels weird to start. I think I’m going to try and compliment at least one person I know tomorrow and one stranger I see.

On the other note of talking to random girls: would a quick “hey my names (name) and I just saw you and thought you’re really cute. Could I get your number?” Be good enough? Or is that too little? Most of the times I’ve thought of doing this has been at school and typically in between classes which means I’ve got a max of 5ish minutes to say anything to them. But I don’t want to come off strange if it’s too short I guess? It’s a really odd time to start a conversation with someone new which I guess is another reason why it kind of scares me lol

Dropping a rehearsed paragraph on a girl like that is a terrible way to go about it. Say hi and wait for her reaction. Give a compliment and wait for her reaction. Respond to her. Go back and forth a few times. Then tell her she should go on a date with you so you can continue this later. Either plan the date right then or get her number so you can plan it later.

The reason you want to dump all of that on her the way you described is because you are terrified of having a conversation with her and by the sound of it hope you get rejected as fast as possible just so that the uncomfortable moment is over. Stepping into that uncomfortable moment and just holding it for the two of you is attractive. Give her a chance to get a feel for you and you a feel for her.

5 minutes is more than enough. 1-2 is plenty. There's no such thing as an odd time to talk to a girl you like. There's no such thing as an odd time to get hit on by a boy you like. The only thing weird here is that people like you and me seem to be ashamed of their attraction and are scared to express it. They like it. Let them see it.

Women want you to make them feel desired and are disappointed when you don't.

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Original Poster1 point · 16 days ago

Yeah now that I think about it dumping all that out at once doesn’t sound good and is cookie cutter-like. I just find it hard to imagine getting past saying hey because after that there’s not much to talk about other than me giving a compliment and asking for their number since I don’t know them at all you know? If it’s alright with you I might PM you later so we don’t have to talk in the comments like this lol

u/ynnnel
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November 24, 2018
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